high people should be assigned attendants
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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