There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize