ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
