Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
