i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
