i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize