Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
