My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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