You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't think brook has ever known best
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
