I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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