Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
