I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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