Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
