forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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