the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
