I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize