Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
