I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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