we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
