Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
