well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize