but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
