I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
the liver wants what the liver wants
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
