grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
