I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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