He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
