found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize