i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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