he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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