I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
