we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
