TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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