Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
