$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
