Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
