Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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