Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
