If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
