i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
