like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
