Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
