You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
