Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
