I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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