Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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