Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
