i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
bring money and cleavage
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
