I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
