He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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