like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
