I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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