you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
