why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I will pee on everything he values.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
