Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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