my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
