Don't make out with my wife yet
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
