if you like me you must not know who I am
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
as a side note pls kill me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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