you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
