laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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