No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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