My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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