My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
