I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
