I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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