Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize