Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
