So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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