Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
People with herpes should wear stickers.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
