I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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