Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
