So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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