I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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