I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
