I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
