Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
