they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
