When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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