Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
