i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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