She is in my trunk
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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