I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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