I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
