from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
