Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
