the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
