so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize