Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
