If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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