dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
