Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
