I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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