I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
