i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
