My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize